Tuesday, February 19, 2008

"Go to Sleep and Let God Pick Your Mate"

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d like to share with you an amazing concept about marriage and the process of choosing your marriage partner. It’s amazing to me that ½ of marriages are ending in divorce, for whatever reason, and we could debate it all day long and still come up frustrated. The reality is that marriage is under attack and someone has to search out an answer. Here is the reality; many people don’t allow God to pick out their mates, and we have a major epidemic of improper dating and courting. It’s amazing to me how careless some are when it comes to the selection of their mate. Friends, who you marry does matter and it’s the second greatest decision of your entire life. There isn’t a decision that is more important to you except your decision to serve God. Life has enough challenges and pressures that you don’t want to add to by marrying the person you were never meant to marry. I’ve heard it said, and I agree 110%, that it’s much better to stay single than to marry the wrong person. I’d really like to let loose and express my views about dating, courtship, marriage, and divorce. However, I’ll stay with the focus of this blog today and that is for you to take a deep breath and let God choose your mate for you. I realize that the extremely practical people will say, “Come on Matt, you can’t expect God to do it all for you.” In fact, I used to be the one that said, “Yeah, but the Bible says, “He that finds a wife, finds a good thing.” You have to find who you are supposed to marry and spend your life with. While that may be true and accurate, we can’t ignore the fact that God put Adam to sleep and created his wife for him. What was Adam doing at that time in his life? Adam was busy doing what God wanted him to do with his life.

What can we learn from Adam and Eve? Well, God does care about your loneliness and has somebody for you. However, you have to learn to be content where you are and rely on God’s perfect timing. What did Adam do to get Eve? Nothing at all; God put him to sleep, he woke up, and his soul mate was lying right next to him. While that isn’t going to happen exactly like that for us, God will make sure that your path crosses with the person you are suppose to marry.
God knows what He is doing and will prepare your mate for you. You can’t allow yourself to have such low self esteem that causes you to believe that you will never find anybody. There is somebody for everyone. God has a purpose and plan for your life. God wants you to be happy and have a blissfully, abundant, joyful, sensational, exhilarating, passionate, and blessed marriage. God wants you to enjoy your spouse and have the love of a lifetime. God wants you to have a relationship with the opposite sex and enjoy the beauty of a man and woman coming together.

We need some serious help if we believe that homosexuality and lesbianism is normal. God never intended for men to fall in love with other men or ladies to fall in love with other ladies. It’s simply not the will of God, nor is it normal. God fully intended for a man to enjoy a lady and for a lady to enjoy her man. If you are struggling with crazy thoughts of falling in love with a lady and you are a lady, then you need to go on a 21 day fast until God renews your mind. The same will apply if you are man struggling with your sexual identity. Is it alright for me to get on the loud speaker today and say, “Men and women coming together is normal, healthy, and right.”? There are only a select few who are destined to be single; however, most people are designed to be in a marriage relationship. It was God who said, “It is not good for a man to be alone, I will create a helpmate for him.” God does have a helpmate for you and will bring them into your life when the time is right and you are ready.

Your responsibility is to enjoy your singlehood and prepare yourself to be the best husband or wife you can be. Your responsibility is not to find the right person, rather to go become the right person. You should be enjoying your singlehood and using that time to discover your purpose, passion, calling, and dreams. You should use your single time as a blessing to work hard, save money, and prepare yourself for an amazing future. You should focus on becoming the best person that you can be, working out, establishing healthy habits, and focusing on looking the very best you can look for your own self worth’s sake. I’m concerned about all these people who are not prepared as they go into a marriage. It’s going to only create problems for you in the future if you don’t wait on God and prepare yourself. Every single person should be reading books about relationships and marriage. As a pastor, my question that I ask every couple seeking marriage is, “Have you read the book His Needs, Her Needs?” If not, you are not even close to being ready for marriage. I am convinced that every single young man and single young lady should have read at least 12-15 books about marriage before they even think about saying, “I do.” The healthiest marriages only happen with people who are whole and prepared for what lies ahead.

James Dobson suggests that a courting couple should communicate at least 1,000 hours before engagement, and I’ll have to whole heartedly agree with Mr. Dobson. It’s wise to take the time to really get to know someone before you get physical. Ouch, did I just say that? Is it really important to go as long as you can without getting physical? Absolutely, your first kiss should mean something, and the longer you can wait the more intimate your relationship will be. Too many relationships are only built off lust and physical connection. How many marriages have you seen where just by a look in the eye or a facial expression, the other spouse knew what the other was thinking or feeling? Why? It’s because there is an emotional and spiritual connection. Couples that only are connected physically will have major problems in the early years of their marriage. You should take the time to really get to know someone before you kiss them or get physical; your relationship will be so much healthier. While we may have all blown it here and gotten more physical than we should have, I’d like to encourage you to slam on the brakes, put your car in reverse, turn around, and get on the right road. God is merciful and does allow U turns. It’s important that you turn around, starting right now, and reserve your physical passion for marriage.

If you will relax and let God prepare you and your future spouse, then you will not have to worry about marrying the wrong person or the right person at the wrong time. You would be very wise to stop worrying about who you are going to marry and just start living life to the fullest right now. Let God heal you and make you the best husband or wife in the world. In a perfect world there would be no sexual abuse, mistakes, rejection, cheating, divorce, or sexual scars. However, the world that I live in and the people that live in this world have been scarred by sexual immorality, past or sadly a divorce. It’s vitally important that you become healed and whole from whatever scar or bad relationship you had in the past. People that are continually jumping from one relationship to another are simply not wise. It’s dangerous to enter another relationship if you are not healed from your past or previous broken relationships.

As you can tell, there is a lot to cover when you start talking about relationships and marriage. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. God is bigger than your past. While you may have scars and consequences of your past, it doesn’t have to dictate your future happiness. God is a good God and will give mercy to His people. You have a bright future and God is going to send your lifetime companion to you when the time is right. Just go to sleep and let God pick your mate out for you.

Matthew J Maddix


Anonymous said...

"If you are struggling with crazy thoughts of falling in love with a lady and you are a lady, then you need to go on a 21 day fast until God renews your mind."

Just out of curiosity, where or how did you come up with this number? Is there Biblical support or is that figure something you just made up off the top of your head?

Anonymous said...

well, if you're hungry enough you probably will forget about everything else...

Anonymous said...

"I’d really like to let loose and express my views about dating, courtship, marriage, and divorce."

do it to it bro...as a single, 22-year-old male who watched his older brother and closest friends get married at 21 yrs. old or younger, i sometimes feel a little left out or like im behind the game. i know this isnt true, but id love to hear your opinions, if you have the time. I've read a couple of Joshua Harris' books; "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl"....I'd appreciate some Pentecostal wisdom too!

Anonymous said...

"anonymous"...funny how people of God are so easy to judge others but so much of a coward to let you know who they are. Bro. Maddix you have won numbers of people to the Lord, keep it up. God Bless you.


:) said...

I LOVE the book "His Needs, Her Needs" It was mandatory that we read it for our pre-marital counselling, and it's those concepts that I relay on so often!

Anonymous said...


I merely asked a simple question that I would like to see answered (I'm the first comment).

Bro. Maddix has a lot of good stuff to say, but he also has a lot of stuff that is merely his personal opinion that it seems he feels everyone should share (but then I guess a lot of us feel that way about our own opinions). I would like to see a little bit of Biblical support for a few of those things.

Tena said...

I've been contently married now for 25 years. I will give everything Bro. Maddix said here a HUGE, "AMEN"! He is 100% correct in all he wrote here. I've seen a lot of marriages struggle because they didn't do what he's suggesting. I've seen a lot of marriages succeed because they DID do what he wrote here.

Letting God find your mate while you are busy working in the Kingdom is the best advise for single people.

God bless you, Bro. Maddix.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your 25 year marriage; that is really awesome! But, oh dear... The question(s) weren't whether or not you thought Bro. Maddix was 100% correct (it is clear that you are a fan of his) - Bro. Maddix was asked questions that he cannot answer (1) is there biblical suppoort, and (2) isn't his advice for others hypocrytical. I could tell you how to pick your mate as well, but I don't have to be a pastor. Don't most people know that it's when you're busy doing something good and your mind is not focused on finding a mate that one shows up???

ellen stevens said...

Interesting thoughts. I would agree with most of what you've said. Learning to live in the moment and appreciate the place where God has currently placed us, is priceless. Too many people think they have to push to become what they think God wants them to be, and they never learn to relax and truly live. If we simply love God passionately and focus on following him, God will bring about the people and events in our lives that He wants. He is a big enough God all of our needs, desires, wants, dreams, and passions.

I don't agree with your flippant answer to lesbianism or homosexuality. For some people, perhaps. But, there are alot of people who need serious counseling, care, and patient friends to help them cope with the root of this life choice. True discipleship takes a whole lot more than slapping a sweaty hand on someone, spitting in their ear, praying them through, and moving on. It takes rolling up the sleeves and getting into the muck of their lives with them. It's not glorious.

Lastly on this comment/novel, I wouldn't call myself a Matt Maddix fan (sorry, Matt), but for those of you who are capping on him, have the guts to post your name. At least he has the courage to speak his heart authentically. Perhaps you could do the same.

LeeannM said...

Oh my, I think the point he was making is a valid point-not just because I AM a FAN! Homosexuality is happening now and affects almost every family in this day. You can't talk about waiting on God to bring you a mate without addressing this issue, since it's obvious that there are people, even Christians(and even Pentecostals!) who are confused about the deceitful spirit of homosexuality and it's power over people. It ruins lives and takes them to places that they never thought possible and it IS a spirit, NOT of God. If your family has not been touched by that spirit, you may see that one day. It's like a machine that works in our midst and is deceiving our middleschoolers and high schoolers right now. This is a dangerous spirit and could negate the plan of God for their lives, their ministries and their family tree. I pray that all of us recognize it for what it really is and pray for our friends and families to be freed from that bondage.

LeeannM said...

Just wanted to add...."hypocrite" is a dirty word in my opinion-people pull that word out when they want to poke you in the eye. I don't know all of Bro Maddix's story, but I've got friends who were honestly the "innocent" bystander in a drive-by divorce situation. No Christian who is honestly living for God with as much passion as we do(Bro Maddix=king of passion!) wants a divorce. It's a horrible thing and I've been called in the middle of the night with my friend who just couldn't understand why this happened to them and trying to make sense of it all. Sometimes we can't make someone stay that just doesn't want to be married or in my friend's situation, the person backslid and threw everyone and everything away(children and wife) when he threw away God. It's a painful tragedy, but to be unintenionally made a part of divorce is not being a hypocrite anymore than you would say that children are hypocrites for having divorced parents. AND Divorce is driven by a spirit too. We need to wake up to what we are dealing with.

Anonymous said...

(1)Homosexuality usually occurs because there has been a history of abuse, usually stemming from family or close associates. People usually become homosexuals because they often fear, and do not trust, the opposite sex. Please do not pray for homosexual's "crazy" thoughts or evil spirits. Pray for the spirit of abuse that ripped most of these people's souls apart in the first place as they searched for comfort. I do not believe these people are "dangerous"; ABUSE is dangerous; LIES are dangerous; judgmental, ignorant Christians are dangerous.
(2)No comment on anything else. ~~~Ms. Leann, you seem to have a lot of hate and anger inside of you. I don't think anyone wants to "poke your pastor in the eye". No worries there. Have a blessed morning. God is good.~~~

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to add...

"No Christian who is honestly living for God with as much passion as we do(Bro Maddix=king of passion!) wants a divorce."

You're right...definitely not a fan. We see that. Be blessed, Leann.

Anonymous said...

To the person above me, I believe if you read Leeann's first post you will see that she said she was a fan.

To the person above that, homosexuality may stem from abuse, but it is indeed a spirit. I know people who have had no history of abuse and have struggled with this.

Now, I still want to see some Biblical support from Bro. Maddix regarding some of his comments.

Anonymous said...

Matthew 6:33 is very supportive of his point. You also don't need to wait till your married 25 to 50 years to help others by simply posting a blog of something you believe in your heart. Doesn't this just boil down to the fact that people should seek Christ in everything they do and when we give it all over to Him, in His timing and perfect way, He will provide.

Anonymous said...

I would have to agree with what Matt has said. I did not wait on God to show me my mate. I married young and thought I had God's best interest at heart. However three years into the marriage & being very young I was divorced. It's something that I don't talk about for fear of rejection. I do recall on the day of my wedding, right before I walked down the aisle saying this is not the one. If only I had listened to God at that moment I would have saved myself a lot of pain. After the divorce I ran from God. I was hurt. Thankfully enough I had a praying church and family. When I did come back to Christ I meet my current husband. We prayed about our marriage and we have been happily married for 10 years. God has blessed our ministry and us.

I have this friend who prays for her children's mate. I noticed that she would walk past her child and say, "God you know where their mate is at this very moment and you know what they stand in need of. Bless them and protect them till their paths cross" Being around her this is a pray that she prays all the time. I have tried to adopt the same prayer for my children.