"The Biggest Mistake that I've Ever Made"

I've always practiced transparency and honesty almost to a fault of mine. Just hang around someone like me and usually I'll end up confessing all my faults and revealing my weaknesses. I've a very good reason for my authenticity and candor. There was a day in my life where I was very stubborn, arrogant and very defensive, sadly even to the point where my closest friends, family and staff would withhold their opinions or true feelings for fear of me rejecting their feelings or making them feel really stupid for their honesty. Looking back on my leadership style and giving myself a true evaluation, it's very tough to admit but I don't like what I see. You see, I was Matt Maddix and experienced a great deal of success as a young man and little did I know, I was filled with pride and ego. I thought I was unstoppable, untouchable and in command of my life, my church and my entire ministry. I was almost like the man that could do know wrong. I was blinded by the praise of masses and admiration of all my "fans" that I couldn't even see my own blind spots. You know what's like to be driving down the road and you begin to switch lanes and the passenger in the front seat screams, "Watch it" or "Be Careful" or "Matt!" Usually, I'll say, "I didn't even see that car, Thank you!" The shaken up passenger usually will apologize for seeming so dramatic but really, should their even be a need for an apology when all the passenger was trying to do was warn, caution and prevent tragedy. I've actually grown to deeply appreciate and crave upfront, honest, candid and straight communication. Life has twisted in so many different ways for me and I've learned many valuable lessons. I'm on a mission to crucify my own pride, ego and arrogance. The Bible sure is right, "Pride goes before a fall…" Ouch! I feel really heavy already as I write this as I am thinking of all the sweet people that were in my inner circle that would wave the warning flag in the sweetest and softest way possible. Please for my own sanity, let me declare that I wasn't abusive or mean. I was just a very strong, ego driven and powerful personality. I'm sure that those close to me experienced the pain and deep frustration because I was so head strong and stubborn. I've been attempting to apologize and make right those that were hurt from me ignoring the red flags, caution lights and concerns.

So, what was the greatest mistake that I've ever made? Well, I could actually and perhaps someday might do it, write a book about, "What Failure taught me about Success." I could share with you some mistakes that I've made as a leader, pastor, husband and daddy. Upon resigning my church a few months ago, I've had many hours to think, reflect and experience the bitter sweet trip down memory lane. Sure, there are many things that I'm happy about, many victories, good times and the good will most likely outweigh the bad. However, I really didn't like what I felt or saw as I thought of the pitfalls that I could've avoided had I just now had so much pride and ego to listen. Someone once said, "If you don't ignore the whispers, you'll not have to endure the screams!" It's actually a very frustrating and disheartening feeling to see a major red flag and then not be heard or understood. The greatest mistake that I've ever made is when I ceased to listen to the wisdom, advice and warning flags of those closest to me. Perhaps my candor and openness will help save other men, ladies, bosses, leaders, spouses and parents from destruction, heartbreak or setbacks.

What do you do when you realize that you've blown it, made a mess of your life or made some ego driven decisions? First, you take full responsibility for your actions and behavior patterns. I'm always extremely concerned about a person that I can't step up and admit their wrongs or failures. I tend to actually think more highly of the person who can say, "I was wrong and I made a bad choice!" It's actually quite simple but it does require a trip to the coffin so you can bury your pride, ego and arrogance. You have to be willing to take full responsibility and recognize the error of your ways. Secondly, learn to start listening and valuing the wisdom and caution of those you trust the most in your life. Of course we are all defensive by nature because not everybody has our best interest at heart or will protect us when we fail. I'm personally very open with those closest to me because I know they will take my failures, flaws and human sins to their grave. I'd like to caution you from getting close to whistle blowers, gossipers and to insecure and jealous people. I've carefully selected people that I allow to speak into my life and when they speak, I'm completely open, appreciative and humbled by their concern, love and boldness to speak straight to me. I'm ready to listen, learn, stop at the yellow lights, allow others to point out the blind spots and refrain from being defensive in the process. My favorite three questions to ask those closest to me are as follows:

1. What do I need to keep doing?
2. What do I need to start doing?
3. What do I need to stop doing?

The answer to those three questions will keep you from driving off the cliff, running the red light and causing major pain, self destruction and heartbreak in you and those closest to you. If my breath stinks, I'd like to know about it so I can fix it. If my tie doesn't match, I want to know so I can change it. If I have food on my teeth, I'd like to know so I can get rid of it. If I am about to pull into another lane of oncoming traffic, than I want the passenger to scream and get my attention. Should you be the one that is selected to provide accountability or be a truth teller in another persons life, I'd like to offer you a few suggestions. First, make sure that your motives are right and that you genuinely care about the success and protection of another. Second, never talk behind the back of the person that you care about or reveal their weakness or failures to others. Thirdly, learn how to say things and attempt to communicate truth in the most sincere, honest and loving manner.

May God help all of us as we seek to avoid the trap of being offended, defensive or ego driven. Please learn from my personal mistakes and allow those closest to you speak into your life without fear of rejection or distance. Please stay humble enough to admit that you need help, honest communication and even the wisdom of those who may see what we are incapable of seeing. It's actually a very free, healthy and peaceful way to live when you are open to constructive criticism, candor and the truth. Whenever you have a hunger to be right with God and are willing to ask God for help than you'll experience blessings and forgiveness because God is always attracted to the humble and honest. God rejects the proud, stubborn and ego centered people. However, God will continue to give you mercy, grace and strength to overcome your weaknesses and eventually you'll outgrow and defeat your failures and flaws.

Matt Maddix
http://mattmaddix.com/